The Shoveller's early morning report

0420 hours. Sunday July 8, 2007. It's been a long dark night of the soul ... dwelling on that preposterous dismissal against North Maids (rarely, I repeat, rarely have I been out ‘fair-and-square') ... or maybe it was that conversation with Tank (I never knew he keeps bees) that troubled my communion with Morpheus. Sadly, the real reason is much more mundane - my darling daughter having a little ‘accident'.

Anyway, it's good to be back. Honest. And good that the insults have ceased, now that I have been shorn of my locks. Verily I tell thee boys, being the sensitive petal that I am, I was cut to the quick by some of your comments concerning my beautiful, flowing tresses. We can all be nasty and horrid, eh Squashie? I though, am above such pettiness. Occasionally.

Do you remember Kevin Pietersen's recent dismissal - the one where his helmet fell on the stumps and dislodged the bails? Maybe? Well it puts me in mind of a bizarre incident involving the Qureshi of yore, the one who hadn't yet discovered the merits of power-walking and salads and still ‘enjoyed his food'. Big-time. Anyway, in a match of date and location unknown, Saqib was out, ‘handled ball' after momentarily losing his senses, catching a slow full-toss from some Mason-type piemeister, and proceeding to munch on the old cherry, mistaking it for an apple or something. I'm happy to report those desperate days are long gone - though the Squash still never likes to get ‘caught short' out in the middle. As we all know, he's an ingeneous bloke. He's patented the mobile microwave - mounted in a backpack, it allows you to enjoy your TV dinner while on the move. And look carefully when he's at the non-striker's end - you might see him lazily grazing on the shoulder of his willow. That's the edible bat for you ...

And as for your barbs Coyney - what do you know about hair? Look closely at ‘little Jimmie's' barnet and sometimes you'll see a little tag peeking out just above his right ear outlining washing instructions. "Dry clean only", if I'm not mistaken.

Cor, my bile does take it's time to work itself out. Next up - a look at the fine art of captaincy - we've had a few interesting episodes already this season - but I'll spare you for now.

Lovingly yours,

The Shoveller

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Tony Sidebottom
Posts: 1

Walker
Reply #3 on : Sun October 14, 2007, 00:00:09

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G'day mate,

Do you remember the fight we had over Bret Easton Ellis' work? I said it was stream of conciousness genius and before you could disagree Dumville was making horrid accusations about your off-field exploits. I hope you've either resolved these or decided to donate heavily to the conservatives. Either way, I've missed you more than Azz and it's just not the same without you. Are you ever coming to visit me?

This is question 41.

Posts: 2

'We will get under your (aging) skin'
Reply #2 on : Thu October 11, 2007, 21:56:22

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Well I've just been to the advertiser website and saw that the boys had reached the Final. I didn't really recognise any of the boys and was wondering what had happened to the club I had played for man and boy .
The best news was when I saw how the advertiser had scandalised Squashie's comments, thrown in the direction of Burnham CC as 'past it', and more impressively that Bray could 'get under their skin'. Lovely to see that Bray had not lost their nack of headline grabbing, with Squash, and not, this time, for laughing at dropped catches.

If only the tv footage could heve been captured at Watford away, the the leg stump was uprooted by hand or the following year at the watford bowl, when 5 players had travelled up (1hr) and had got so hammered that we faced a grand total of 8 balls between us.
Not to mention the Mabbs v SnakeCharmer Showboating, at a quaint village club house in the country during match tea.
Anyway boys well done on reaching the final and nice one in the leauges. Keep climbing. What are the odds on Coyne liffing consecutive trophies? I look forward to hearing some of the tails...Well have bumped into Mase recently...got a couple of them.......I propose Mason to write a short article on the website. The first could be titled...'I've only seen one man hit the ball further than that' (watching on Parkie day as Imran Khan launched one of our sponsors into the church yard) '....and that was me.'
Or Chris 'I am young and gay, struggling to cope with showering after a game' Biddwell....

I#m just going to check Walker's averages........

Much Love
Martyn
x

Posts: 2

Re: The Shoveller's early morning report
Reply #1 on : Thu July 12, 2007, 14:02:36

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God I miss you

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